Will that work?

Beginning a new segment in Comic Sam's: Overheard on a Bus

"Yo dude, is it as bad as roofie-ing a girl if you throw a morning after pill in her drink and then have sex without a Condom?"

Got haiku?

Lazy lazy day,
Did not go to school today...
Fuck it, nighty night!

The Hamster of Happiness

See this video (found on Youtube), and watch it well, for it is my new religion. Watch, as the hamster contentedly munches on that insignificant kernel of corn. See him ride the wave of endless taunting (on a piano) that the hand from above inflicts on him. And observe, that even at the worst of times, that same hand magnanimously picks him up when he falls, and returns that prized possession of grainy goodness to the happy hamster. Are we not all hamsters on pianos, trying to munch our popcorn!? This my friends is the hamster of happiness, the hamster that the whole world must look to for answers, for it never gives in, never gives up, and always, always, focuses on its goal, munching popcorn. I call for a worldwide revolution!

Viva la Hamster!

Oh dear... *KAPOW*

After having watched the Superbowl ads this year, I am convinced of one thing... animal cruelty is now in, and it is fucking hilarious. First came a spot for NBC's the office, where a cat is thrown into a hole in the ceiling, and comes crashing through the other side. I may be going to hell, but damn me if cat smacking into desks isn't one of the most satisfying sounds I will hear all week. Then came the CareerBuilder ad... I am sorry, but when a Koala wears glasses, turns towards you, and in a soothing accent says "Oh dear" before getting reamed in the face by a flying fist, you can't help but laugh. So i don't care if I'm going to hell, bring on the squashed hamsters, the burning kittens, and the defenestrated puppies. The cuter and crueler the better!

I actually love hamsters, but hey, we all need priorities.

Excuses excuses...

I am back again, and I thank you, my loyal pair of subscribers, for being so patient with me. Hopefully this absence has not reduced my viewership, since a 50% drop would leave me with mere company and not the proverbial crowd. I would have written sooner, but a dog ate my homework, which happened to be my computer, cutting off all internet access, prompting me to have to go to the repair store, where i got caught in traffic, which was caused by extreme snow, which made me sick, which spread to my roommate who I had to take care of. You can ask my doctor, honest! Unfortunately, he only deals with people with limited types of insurance, and it's hard enough getting in touch with him seeing as how he lives in Bangladesh due to outsourcing. Of course, the honor system being what it is, I have no doubt that you have not only already forgiven me, but have sent money as well to contribute to the lavish costs of all these problems, especially since my doctor's cousin is a wealthy Nigerian businessman who happens to be in dire straits and could use your help. With prompt updates in the future, I bid you all good night!

P.S. I'm all better now, thanks for asking. My roommate is at rest... peacefully.

Snow way I'm walking in that...

For three days now, the weather service has issued huge, red warnings SEVERE WEATHER ALERT. We were warned to avoid driving and beware of ice and snow We proceeded to get blistering snow, wind, and ice. We had school. There's a lesson to be learned here, but I can't quite place it... Thanks school!

Opening Statements

This is the first post of my blog. If you are one of my friends, classmates, and/or my professor, thank you for taking the time to read this! If not, well, I still thank you, but in a more hesitant, cautious kind of way. The kind of way you thank a strange man who has just told you that you have a nice smell. Its obviously a compliment, and you're not going to complain, but how did you find me? Why are you close enough to smell? Must I now comment on your smell in turn? I mean, I encourage you to keep thinking those nice thoughts about me. If I can make your life that much nicer, then all the best. But unless you're a close friend, smell in solitude. That being said, blogs are not smells, and comments are welcome. In blog-post form is best. Shouting from one's rooftop is fun, but I probably won't hear it, and people who do probably won't know what you're talking about. Slipping a letter written in cut-out magazine letters under my door will get my attention, but will also most likely result in me purchasing a firearm. A basket with a note and hamster in it is 100% acceptable. Anyway, most posts won't be this long, and I probably tried a bit too hard this time, but welcome, and I hope you enjoy the future!

Oh, and you smell like honeydew.